I walked past the computer last night and thought "What's the point....I am NOT happy, and I am tired." But today I woke up and realized that the POINT is to look back each day and find the joy. There wasn't much, not gonna lie, lol but I did have a good day with my boys. They behaved and were kind to one another. We went to a fundraiser at a restaurant for Joel's school and he got to see his teacher there. His smile and joy for us going to that fundraiser meant a lot to me. He was so excited to see school friends and everything worked out that we had a lovely family dinner together. Also my mom had a Pampered Chef party that I went to and got to see lots of people that I love dearly. I will also be in possession of more kitchen tools soon...that makes David happy!
So day 190 had its happy moments, and I will take em!
Day 191
Today, wore my PJs a lot again today. I woke up and went to physical therapy where my arm got massaged...that is pretty much a highlight of my days these days.
But today, I had more happy moments and I am glad to have a place to write them down and look back and remember. We did breakfast at a restaurant this morning. Connor and I shared a waffle and he was delighting in telling me, "More waffle mommy..." over and over and over lol. After our waffle eating session, we went out on the patio area where there is a water fountain. Connor took great joy in throwing in penny after penny in the fountain (I let him do about 6 today) and he loved running around the fountain after each toss. It made my heart happy to see how much joy can come out of a water fountain. I used to feel the same way, and it made me think of ALL the quarters...my grandmother was wealthy what can I say....that she gave me to toss into a fountain at the old Buena Park Mall. It was a two story fountain and I LOVED tossing coins in! I hope my grandmother got as much joy watching me as I did with Connor today.
We picked Joel up from school and had some lunch at the park. Joel got to play with some friends and then we headed home. Connor took a nap and Joel got to watch me cook dinner. We get produce delivered to our door and with said produce I made an amazing potato leek soup tonight! Joel liked it! If that were my only happy moment of the day, I would take it and keep it in my heart. He liked the soup I made and didn't complain but COMPLEMENTED me instead! WOW! When I have to hear almost every single stinkin night "Is this something I have had before? Because if not, then I am NOT going to like it!" I am just so thrilled he ate it and thought it was good! LOL It truly is the little things!
After dinner I headed out to the LDS Temple for a session. I spent a lot of time in the Celestial Room after the temple session. I sat on a big, fluffy, couch and read scriptures and prayed. I did this for the better part of 30 minutes. I prayed for help to heal my arm. I prayed to help my family through this next round of mommy pain. I prayed that I wouldn't feel so alone and sad. I prayed that I would be worthy for any of the blessings I asked for in the other prayers. When I was done praying, I looked up and there was my old seminary teacher from high school. He has worked at the temple on Thursday nights for a long time now, so every now and then I will see him if I visit the temple on a Thursday. It was nice to see him, particularly this time because the last time I had a bone graft from my hip was when I was in his early morning seminary class in high school. I felt very comforted by seeing him and felt that I had received part of an answer. That I need to go ahead with this surgery. I still don't know if this is going to heal my arm, but I believe that is where the faith portion of my prayers need to kick in. I hope that I can keep up the attitude of moving forward and finding the joy for just a while longer. I know there is no point in being so sad over all of this. It is going to have to get fixed whether I find the joy or not....so I am going to try a bit harder, dig a little deeper, and breathe. Have a good Thursday all.
So day 190 had its happy moments, and I will take em!
Day 191
Today, wore my PJs a lot again today. I woke up and went to physical therapy where my arm got massaged...that is pretty much a highlight of my days these days.
But today, I had more happy moments and I am glad to have a place to write them down and look back and remember. We did breakfast at a restaurant this morning. Connor and I shared a waffle and he was delighting in telling me, "More waffle mommy..." over and over and over lol. After our waffle eating session, we went out on the patio area where there is a water fountain. Connor took great joy in throwing in penny after penny in the fountain (I let him do about 6 today) and he loved running around the fountain after each toss. It made my heart happy to see how much joy can come out of a water fountain. I used to feel the same way, and it made me think of ALL the quarters...my grandmother was wealthy what can I say....that she gave me to toss into a fountain at the old Buena Park Mall. It was a two story fountain and I LOVED tossing coins in! I hope my grandmother got as much joy watching me as I did with Connor today.
We picked Joel up from school and had some lunch at the park. Joel got to play with some friends and then we headed home. Connor took a nap and Joel got to watch me cook dinner. We get produce delivered to our door and with said produce I made an amazing potato leek soup tonight! Joel liked it! If that were my only happy moment of the day, I would take it and keep it in my heart. He liked the soup I made and didn't complain but COMPLEMENTED me instead! WOW! When I have to hear almost every single stinkin night "Is this something I have had before? Because if not, then I am NOT going to like it!" I am just so thrilled he ate it and thought it was good! LOL It truly is the little things!
After dinner I headed out to the LDS Temple for a session. I spent a lot of time in the Celestial Room after the temple session. I sat on a big, fluffy, couch and read scriptures and prayed. I did this for the better part of 30 minutes. I prayed for help to heal my arm. I prayed to help my family through this next round of mommy pain. I prayed that I wouldn't feel so alone and sad. I prayed that I would be worthy for any of the blessings I asked for in the other prayers. When I was done praying, I looked up and there was my old seminary teacher from high school. He has worked at the temple on Thursday nights for a long time now, so every now and then I will see him if I visit the temple on a Thursday. It was nice to see him, particularly this time because the last time I had a bone graft from my hip was when I was in his early morning seminary class in high school. I felt very comforted by seeing him and felt that I had received part of an answer. That I need to go ahead with this surgery. I still don't know if this is going to heal my arm, but I believe that is where the faith portion of my prayers need to kick in. I hope that I can keep up the attitude of moving forward and finding the joy for just a while longer. I know there is no point in being so sad over all of this. It is going to have to get fixed whether I find the joy or not....so I am going to try a bit harder, dig a little deeper, and breathe. Have a good Thursday all.
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