I was able to walk Joel to and from school as most normal mothers do. That was great. Walking to and from school took all the energy I had for the day, however, and I returned home drenched in sweat and crying. I feel so weak. 4-6 weeks of recovering from the gall bladder surgery I am told (now I know why after 2 c-sections I was so tired! Turns out, wasn't the up at night with the babies, nope....it was the surgery....the babies were a BREEZE compared to the surgery recovery...who knew?!) My arm feels freakier than normal...really hoping that means bone growth. New feelings can't be bad right? New sharp pains and new REALLY weird feelings like someone is taking my nerves in my arms and jiggling them...that is the only way to describe it. Maybe that means it is growing again! There's a moment :-)
Today, after visiting a friend, Connor decided, for no reason what so ever, to play limp noodle. Back in the days of NORMAL me, I could scoop a 13 year old half my size playing limp noodle...and I did... A LOT, because I worked with a lot of children with behavior problems and Autistic children melting down. But my little two year old, flopping face down on the sidewalk near the street today? Nope, couldn't pick him up to save my life. I was JUST given the green light yesterday to start picking up heavy things again, but I don't think the Dr. meant a 35 pound unruly toddler. So, I did what any mom recovering from stomach surgery and ONE good arm would do...I dragged him, dead man style, back to the front door. SO HELP ME! I finally got him in the front door, closed it, and proceeded to have MY melt down on the couch as he had HIS on the side of the couch. I could barely breath, my arm felt like it was going to fall off, and my stomach felt like I had just done 1000 crunches P90X style. All I could say over and over again is "I'm a BAD mom!" That's how I felt, useless and like I was the only mother who ever had physical limitations with little kids. (Thankfully I have an entire support group of RA buddies who would gladly remind me of all of THEIR limitations with their kids, so I try to snap out of it pretty quickly :p ) It was just a rough emotional moment. But then Connor did finally stop crying and pat me on the head. Thanks kid. Here is a pick from our HAPPY moment at the park today, just 30 minutes prior to said melt down.
See? Such a sweet boy when he wants to be lol.
Ok so a happy moment and then gotta get to bed...so tired! I LOVE texting. It is fun and very much needed when I am at home in bed most days. Lately I have been texting with one of David's cousins and I am loving every minute of it! She is one of the kindest people I know. Her mother is truly one of those GOLDEN people you just want to be around because they have so much positive energy and you want to be in their light. So it is nice to text back and forth before dinner, after dinner, and around the kid's bedtime. It keeps me sane, makes me laugh, and it's nice to have a friend all the way in Louisiana.
Well that is it for today. I'm not gonna lie, writing it all down makes me feel so much better. I do see a lot of happy moments mixed in with the 2 year old drama. Bless Joel for being such a good helper and good kid today! He even got a THWACK in the head from little brother, but he did get a "sorry" from Connor and an apology hug. All for not wanting to wear mommy's hat when Connor wanted him to lol. Maybe someone will get a laugh out of this today. Maybe someone needs to know that THEY are not alone in parenthood. It's tough, it's tougher when you are lacking body parts to help you out lol. But at the end of the night, they are asleep, SO cute in their little beds dreaming away, and I wouldn't trade it for anything. Good night all.
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