Day 98

Still have "Miniwheat"  We are really hoping his family discovers him missing soon!  I feel so bad for the little guy.  He was so happy here today and has started eating and wagging his tail more.  I sure hope his family comes to get him soon because I don't want to have to send him to yet another house where he has to adjust to a new place and a new name most likely LOL.

Today was all about Church and getting our tree up and decorated.  Church was lovely and the ladie's organization had a lesson on charity and service.  It was a beautiful lesson.  People are able to raise their hands and give their thoughts, and a lot of people had some wonderful thoughts.  The teacher posed some interesting questions, however, and I was frozen with fear (having been given SO SO SO much service from our members of our congregation in month's past) about her questions.  Here are just a couple "what if you are serving a person you don't like?" and "what if the person you are serving is ungrateful."  OH!  All I could think was, "are there people who have served me out of pity and they really don't LIKE me?!"  Another thought I had was "I have been served by dozens and dozens of people in the last 7 months and the only Thank You note I have written so far is to the lady in our ward who is also an ER nurse....I felt it REALLY necessary to thank her for her duties to me at 2 AM when I threw up in front of her"  Does that make me ungrateful?  I have SAID Thank You, but should I be sitting down and getting busy with Thank You notes?  I could TEXT thank you to people but would that really be enough?  A) I try to be likable....I make it a point to not offend people and BEFORE Daisy's death it used to break my heart to think someone DIDN'T like me.  POST Daisy's death I know all I can do is try to be kind and leave people up to their own choices in life.  If someone gets offended or ticked off that I am constantly being cut open....I am happy to share that I share some of what they feel....see? I can be supportive lol :-) AND B) I am so beyond grateful for people who have helped me out.  Sometimes, after a person has done something for me, I cry tears of gratitude for being in cared for and thought of....I am a nobody in this world.  I am one tiny person in a sea of millions and I am blessed to have just ONE person help me out.  I just hope after surgery #5 next month no one think I believe I am OWED some help or anything like that.
It was a good lesson, and just reinforced in me that even though I can't lift heavy things, or help another physically very much right now....I can be there for others and serve...I NEED to, because I love helping other people.  Staying out of the ME zone, and firmly in what can I do for ANOTHER today, is the only way I am going to get through these trials I am having.

So onto the Christmas tree....it is up, it is LIT up, and the ornaments are on!  It was really fun to get to put most of them on with Joel tonight.  We don't have a fancy tree with ornaments bought at Pottery Barn.  Our tree takes the tradition that my parents did for my Christmas tree growing up.  Each year, we buy a couple (or some years just one) ornaments that relate to something special or meaningful that occurred in our lives.  On our first very TINY Christmas tree in my bedroom at my parent's house, David and I started with just two "Our First Christmas" ornaments.  In the 9 Christmas' since then, we have quite a few precious ornaments and memories made that I was able to share with Joel.  He got to put up a lot of his "Baby's First Christmas" ornaments and I put up David's grad school and Phd and my grad school ornament.  I have several Disneyland ornaments that mean a lot to David and me.  It was just such a nice time and it is a great way to re-live moments at the end of the year. No, I will not be putting an ornament of a hospital bed on the tree this year...although in years to come sure hope we will look back and say "remember 2011? that was THE worst year of our lives"  one can only hope....

Well, I am off to take Mini wheat out to potty one last time and then read some of the magazines I downloaded on the tablet....I am sure glad we have that thing!  It is going to come in handy at the hospital this next time for sure!